I've been stressing about Dump themes ever since I was silly enough to volunteer to do (take) a Dump. (Phew, one sentence in and the only poop joke was a parenthetical. I'm doing great!) I've decided that in honor of my move to D.C. (this is all about me, right?) the only appropriate thing would be to offer this Dump up in honor of what is objectively the world's greatest country. (Objectively: adverb 1. ihatepickingnames is full of shit; 2. ihatepickingnames freely abuses creative license)

Holy Jesus, you guys were busy today. Way to take it easy on a gal's first day. :/ (See, supra, this is all about me.)

TyrannosaurusBataar got us started early with talk about how best to hide the fact that none of us are getting enough sleep. Need ideas on how to hide those pesky bags and circles under your eyes? Head on over to the fancy blue words in this paragraph to see what fellow Jezzies have to offer. I award this one a Thomas Paine.

Kirov got in a fight with a crazy cat man. How dare you save a kitty from the middle of the street! Hopefully all works out well for Kirov and the kitty. I award Kirov a Thomas Jefferson for taking on crazy dudes in an effort to secure a kitty's inalienable rights (to food, head scratches, and the pursuit of lazy midday naps).

Hello_My_Lover opened up about focusing on health over numbers on a scale and finding ways to be happy and healthy. And being happy with being healthy. I wanted to give an award for a radical founding father to make a joke about these ideas being radical (since they shouldn't be but they are for so many of us) but googling "radical founding father" returns Paine and I already used him. Instead, I'll award you an Aaron Burr because he killed a man and that's pretty damn radical.

SugarHill wants you to talk about sex. This one gets the Benjamin Franklin because it's ironic. (Or is it just Alanis Morrisette ironic? I don't even know anymore...)

OregonBeast introduces us to a lady who thinks feminism fails to recognize that women are natural caregivers. Or something like this. I award this the Paul Revere, for alerting us of what's to come...

LaurensJam has discovered that weddings suck. Much like Tories. BOOO! We're fighting for a free America! Quit claiming allegiance to the King!!!

Nohayculpa21 asks us to share one good thing and one bad thing from the day. Pick a side, you Benedict Arnold!

And finally, this didn't win any contests in views or comments generated or whatever but y'all need to see these dogs.

That's all folks; thanks for playing.