I'm trying really hard to not let the stupid last name bullshit affect me. I think my depression is forcing me to focus on this because I feel so personally attacked by it. I want to start picking fights with people I generally like and respect over it. Then I saw the MP posted about pubes and I thought "Jesus fucking christ I'm done."
It got me thinking. I feel really defensive about almost every decision I've ever made and I'm trying to decide what that says about me. Nothing particularly good I think. It tells me that I'm not secure in the choices I've made for my life. But the thing is... had I dated around, slept with a bunch of different people, moved to a big city, got a job in social work, decided to not get married and wait to have kids until I was in my 30s or never, I think I'd be in the same boat. I'd be unhappy and think things would be so much better if only I had married my high school sweetheart and had a baby by 26.
Maybe it's the PPD but I hate the thought that women on this website look at me and judge me as a reason why they don't want kids. Or why getting married or having children young is a mistake. I feel weak and broken and worthless as a woman again, like I'm letting my sisters down.