Man, how do people leave work at the end of the day and then go straight out for a drink? Or to the mall? Or the really insane one, to exercise?? The few times in my life when I've accomplished such feats felt like just that... a feat. And not one I was up to repeating. Most days I'm happy if I don't have to slap myself repeatedly and sing at the top of my lungs to try to keep my eyes open on the drive home. Then, if I can stay awake to watch TV on the couch instead of immediately crashing, another victory.

It's the same when I'm working crazy baker hours or when I'm working 9-5, though the shift finishing at 10:30 pm seems to be the only time I'm not dangerously sleepy for the ride home. It doesn't matter if I get 4 hours of sleep or 9. I can't remember not being like this, except when I was a little kid I guess. I usually think it's better than it used to be and it's just that I work on my feet and that wears me out, but then I will be watching a TV show and see people going out together after work in the show and think "how can they do that?!"

Just thinking about going from a day of work to some other engagement takes the wind out of me. No wonder I don't get shit done in my free time. I've had b12 shots, they didn't do anything. And I guess they don't call it chronic fatigue unless you've had a sore throat. Maybe if all the random chronic annoying things I've had for a decade were all added up by a doctor who gave a crap it would mean something, but mostly I think there's no medical name for just being tired as shit. I do feel guilty about it constantly though, like if I made more of an effort and worked out and made my sleep schedule as normal as possible with work, it would go away, but I know from past experience, it wouldn't.



2 tired 4 life