... for me, during this time of morning, day, and night sickness accompanying my first trimester:

Begin the day with saltines in bed y’all! Preferably make as much noise as possible crinkling the package as you struggle to get the salty goodness, thereby waking your partner, who is no doubt annoyed by this noise, but also knows to stfu.

Put on sea bands, also while still in bed.

Advertisement

Lay in bed for forty minutes, readying yourself for a day filled with waves of nausea.

Eat within 30 minutes of getting up. Not too much now, don’t wanna upset the Babby. Drink coffee. A cup. Your lack of caffeine withdrawAl headache and crap feeling later will thank you.

Keep saltines with you, in your car, at work, by your side all damn day. Munch on as needed. Typically five every 2 hours. Yell at your partner for also consuming saltines, reminding them they aren’t pregnant and the saltines are for you, goddammit.

Sponsored

Eat no more than three hours after breakfast. Again, not too much.

Basically eat every three hours or feel the wrath of babby and hormones.

Don’t eat anything too greasy or fatty. Daydream about Italian subs. Can’t eat those!!

Feel queasy and weird all day. It’s like I can feel the hormones pulsing through my veins.

Advertisement

Eat ice cream. Go to bed by 8:30. Repeat and do all over again.

**im actually not super mean to my partner, but I do enjoy teasing him a good amount, and since he got me like this, well... fair game =)

Advertisement

I’m just happy I’m pregnant, though, and dont mind this nonsense too much... I just hope I make it past the first trimester and onwards.