I just got off the phone with my mom and for some reason, I got really annoyed with her defending my younger brother and I’m trying to work out why.
I have an older brother that we can call OB. And I have a younger brother that we will call YB. OB and YB do not get along, for many many many reasons. But OB’s complaint about YB is that he is spoiled, he’s my mother’s favorite, and he often refers to him as the golden boy since he can do no wrong in my mother’s eyes.
YB is 29 and has never moved out of our mother’s house. Granted, they’re in NYC and the rental market is insane, so this isn’t too bad. But, in my opinion, his attitude to money is slightly warped since he has NEVER lived on him own. I made this comment and my mother immediately jumped to defend him, arguing that buying furniture for his non-girlfriend (a topic I will return to in a few) and giving my mom as well as this girl money every month has taught him how to be responsible. That because he chooses to give them money, he’s actually even more responsible that if he was forced to like when you have a lease. And I do not agree at all. The option to choose is precisely what removes the stress many people feel about money. I cannot choose to abstain from paying my rent unless I want to be homeless. I cannot choose to abstain from paying for my pension, and taxes, and food. These are fixed costs. Giving your non girlfriend money is not a fixed cost.
And let’s talk about the non-girlfriend shit. He is staying with this woman, takes her out, and does other boyfriend things, but he thinks (and my mom agrees) that by saying the magical words of, “we’re not together” makes them a non couple. Which I think it complete bullshit. The actions do not match the words and you do not get to treat someone like a girlfriend and expect them to not catch feelings simply because you said you’re not in a relationship. He is essentially using her as a place to crash until he finishes with school and use the money that he pays for tuition to get his own place. My mother thinks that the girl will be hurt, but it’s sort of her fault for being too available. Her only advice to her son is to be honest. I argue that he should either treat it as just a sex thing and cut off all the relationship behavior if he doesn’t want to be in a relationship or just admit that she is her girl. Of course when I say this, I am seen as the jealous one. Even though I moved out when I was 21. Fucking golden boy