Tw probable attempted suicide

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I know y’all don’t follow this group but I need to get this out, and anywhere else I do it will result in hateful comments because internet. I am rather upset right now, or is that an understatement? I need to rant. You can ignore it, or respond. I am tired. All the fans and the people who are following this with care are tired. Should I be reading comments on this situation? Maybe not. Easier said than done, they are everywhere at the moment. This is about a member of a group I love dearly. However ridiculous it may sound, they are a large part of why I’m still here. They have always brought me joy. Some background first.

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Background 1: TOP is a rapper in a South Korean group called Bigbang. He joined mandatory military service in the police unit in February this year. Around a week ago it was reported that he had been found to have used marijuana a few times in his own home in October last year, which was confirmed by a hair strand test. Because of this he is to be expelled from military police unit and will undergo investigations and trial. It is possible for him to face up to 5 years imprisonment, though whether they would do this for a first time offence I do not know. He will need to re-enlist in a different unit. He was apparently indicted a day before these events.

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I am not here to discuss the rights and wrongs of South Korean drug laws or whether he should or shouldn’t have done this. He admitted it, released a public apology and accepted there would be punishment. The response from the public has been harsh, more akin to the kind of crime where he caused physical harm to someone. Fans are not surprised as we know the attitude in SK towards drug use, though it is hard to see.

Background 2: He has in the past admitted to suffering extreme depression and anxiety disorder and has publicly mentioned that he has been prescribed medication for this.

Yesterday morning, TOP was found unconscious and rushed to hospital. The reporting on this has been horrendous and conflicted. That is a large part of what I want to talk about. The below reports are in chronological order. It’s a big old mess. I and most fans were following everything as it happened, and no one had any idea who to believe, since the ‘official’ statements were directly conflicted.

Initial reports in the media spoke to an acquaintance of TOP, who said that they were awaiting the results from tests, but that they suspected it was due to a medication overdose related to the stress he has been under. His mother and loved ones were at the hospital with him. He was taken to the ER and moved to the ICU.

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His company then confirmed that he was taken there unconscious for a medication overdose, that he normally takes tranquilizers but according to the police he took more than usual this time. The company stated that they were still checking whether or not he had regained consciousness.

His company later confirmed he has not yet regained consciousness.

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The police then made a statement. At 11:30 he had been found unconscious and rushed to the ER. The soldiers in his division saw him sleeping and had been unable to wake him up. They said it appeared he took more than his prescribed dosage of anti-anxiety medication.

It was then announced by multiple media outlets that as of 19:35 TOP had regained consciousness, though no one official had made a statement.

10 minutes later this was refuted by a source close to TOP who said that the reports he had regained consciousness were untrue. He was still unconscious in the ICU.

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His company confirmed that he was still in the ICU and that there were no updates regarding his state of consciousness and that they were trying to get information.

One of TOP’s representatives then confirms he has still not regained consciousness. They additionally confirmed that the media reports that had previously claimed he had regained consciousness were untrue.

The police then make a statement that his condition is not severe, that he walked into the hospital with assistance, he is not in a dangerous state and that he is just sleeping deeply due to the components of the medication he took. They said he will sleep a few days due to this and that once he wakes he will be fine. They said he was only in the ICU because he is a celebrity who had a recent controversial incident, and that it was more possible for him to be isolated there.

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His company then says he is still in ICU and that they are waiting for test results and doctor’s opinion

09:35 this morning TOP’s mother makes a statement to reporters outside the hospital that he was unconscious when he arrived at the hospital, that he has not regained consciousness and that reports to the contrary are misrepresentative. Translated, “The condition of my son is quite bad. It has been misreported after (the police) announced that my boy, who is almost dying, was not fully awake from tranquilizers.” She was also seen telling a nearby police official “He was clearly unconscious when moved to the hospital, the doctor confirmed it”.

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His company then reported that TOP’s mother is very angry at the police report since TOP is unconscious and relying on a respirator, not in a state of sleep like they suggested.

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The police then make a statement saying that actually they are not in a position to speak on TOP’s condition…

The hospital then holds an official briefing. They stated: It took 3 people to bring TOP into the hospital. When he was admitted he had high blood pressure and heart rate. He is still in a state of near-unconsciousness. W do not know how many pills TOP ingested, but we know it was a lot. We believe his pills were from a class called benzodiazapines, which are meant to treat anxiety. His body would only respond to very strong stimulations, therefore we can still say he is essentially unconscious. His breathing is still not at normal levels, he will have to stay at the hospital longer for recovery. Due to the medication, his pupils did not react like a normal person’s would. After his condition improves, we will discuss his situation with mental health doctors. His blood carbon dioxide levels were high enough that he could have gone under carbon arrest. It will take at least 1 week for him to recover, we will continue to monitor him. The most important thing for TOP right now is that he needs psychiatric treatment. We do not see signs of any other drugs being used than benzodiazapines. A few days prior, TOP wanted to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist but was not able to attend. We will have to rely on TOP’s statement to determine how much medication was ingested. When he arrived at the hospital we checked his urine test for 11 of the most common drugs, only benzo was positive. It is obvious that TOP is still not conscious. He will need to spend more time in the ICU. We considered intubating him as his blood oxygen was low, but it improved to the point where we did not have to. We believe he will not suffer any brain damage.

So while his condition is indeed critical and this is now more clearly a deliberate overdose, the doctors seem to believe he will recover. At least there’s that. But what the hell was that official police statement that he is just sleeping and only in ICU because of who he is? That was an incredibly damaging lie. Because they said it’s not serious and he’s just sleeping, the public who already hate him started claiming company mediaplay, that he was just faking, that he was trying to save his career and get sympathy. That he is getting special treatment as a celebrity and using an ICU bed unnecessarily. His sobbing mother had to go out and talk to reporters instead of staying by her son’s side when it wasn’t even clear he would recover, to let people know it wasn’t true and that her son’s condition is serious. And because the police report was ‘official’, people responded to this that she is raising a criminal.

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I don’t know if I am more angry or more upset right now, but I’m sure as hell both and I’m only a fan, not one of his loved ones. I don’t expect much of the general public because there are unfeeling idiots everywhere. But the police… what the hell were they trying to achieve? There are a ton of conspiracies going round right now and I’m not going to repeat them because it’s all conjecture. I hope he recovers well and gets the treatment he needs. I hope the media allow him to do that quietly. I hope the public allow him to do that quietly. I know his family and friends will support him. I hope his family are ok too. This is a horrible situation for everyone involved.

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Rant over. Be kind to yourselves today. I’m out.