So, my boyfriend and I have a fuckton of laundry that has been sitting around for weeks. We need to do it.

Seriously.

It needs to be done. We need clothes.

I am wearing a dress that I bought when George W. Bush was in office. It was ugly then and it is ugly now. It has not magically transformed into 'hipster geek chic,' as I foolishly believed all my clothes would do someday. It's just a fucking ugly dress. I don't know why the hell I even bought this thing. It makes me look like a pregnant sister wife. I'm worried if I leave the house someone is going to mistake me for a stray from some Utah cult and have me kidnapped for deprogramming.

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My BF wearing a t-shirt he found in a closet that the previous tenants left behind. It says 'Santos Electronics Supports Hillcrest.' We have no idea what the hell that means and honestly, I'm afraid to let him leave the house wearing it because what if this is a real hot button issue? Like what if people in our town freak out like 'WE'RE SICK OF ALL YOU DAMN HILLCREST SUPPORTERS!'

Plus, what if it's some weird racist thing that we don't know about? I'm not up to speed on all the nuances of all the crazy racist shit that goes on out in the more boonie parts of Texas around here and I don't want my BF being mistaken for some radical extremist. What if the other racists whackjobs see him and try to make friends? And he might just think they're just normal dudes and invite them over because he thinks they just want to drinkn beer and barbecue and all of a sudden—boom. KKK rally at my house. You don't know.

So, to avoid accidental racist gatherings in my home, I've decided we need to tackle this laundry issue. We had a nice long talk about it. And by 'long talk' I mean a 30-second-conversation that was mostly about how much beer was left over from last night.

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See, we're grown ups and we have to adult sometimes. So, we took some very adult action about this.

We are going to go buy new clothes for the week.

Now we just have to make it through Target dressed like an escapee from the Yearning for Zion compound and a possibly racist radical dissident.