With much trepidation, I tuned into the premiere of “American Horror Story: Hotel” this evening.

WTF did I just watch? Are they really reusing the whole “ghosts can only be alive inside the house” thing they used in the first season? Are Lady Gaga and Matt Bomer vampires that have no cutting teeth? Can ghosts *do* blow? Did Lady Gaga’s contract have a “no butt crack” clause? What’s with the island of misfit kidnapped children of the corn? Why was Sarah Paulson rocking crimped hair in 1994? What alias would TLo give Chole Sevigny’s seemingly normal doctor character? Can someone get Chole and Wes’ daughter some fricking counselling? The poor girl lost a sibling, and *then* walked in on two dudes crucified and eviserated. Also, GET YOUR WIFE A NEW PHONE NUMBER ASAP SOME CRAZY DUDE HAS HER PHONE NUMBER. WHY ARE YOU GOING BACK TO THE WEIRD CREEPY HOTEL AND WHY DID YOU LAY DOWN TO SLEEP IN THE FIRST PLACE?????

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Ugh. Like, I have been half enjoying “Scream Queens” because it has not taken itself seriously. But damn, I don’t know if I can make it thru another whole season of this shit on AHS. Someone hold me.