Alcoholism was and is the dominant factor of my family. My parents were drunk... No, hammered, at least five nights out of the week. It was traumatic, what I witnessed on a daily basis. So much dysfunction and scariness.

Then the incest came. I was a sad scared kid.

Now I’m 29 and outwardly living a happy, successful life. But I know I am following in my family’s footsteps. I drink way too much. I have no control over how much I drink. Just tonight I got sick and we had to leave a party. Needless to say husband yelled at me the whole way home. I’m 29!!! Shouldn’t be leaving a party cause of drunk puking. I’m well on my way to five nights a week of hammeredness. It's like I see it coming and feel powerless to stop it... But also know. Somehow I can.

My husband hates me. I hate me. I can’t stop.

This will be deleted...