Or "burns" if you will. The best thing about the internet is observing how food provokes emotional responses in people. Usually you have to scour comments on recipe threads to find the bitter, the bitchy and the batshit crazy, but U.S.* Thanksgiving offers us the chance to watch people sit in judgement over other people's cooking and/or eating habits while pretending to be grateful to be together.

Don't wait to see in tomorrow's paper, the internet who stabbed whom over a turkey wing, tell us now what mean things people are saying or doing about the Thanksgiving feast. I have two already and one in the making.

Yesterday, I shared with Green Bean Casserole Zhandi my 9 year old goddaughter's inadvertent burn on my Aunt's chocolate cake. Also yesterday, a neighbor (who is at best an indifferent cook), said that she realized the new market does catering, so she ordered a pan of mac n cheese to take to her daughter's Thanksgiving instead of making it as she had promised. While she was fretting on what they would think about her, my Dad said, "they know they're better off." Dayum.

Looming snark: one of my cousins has a girlfriend who has put up with his bullshit long enough to come to a second Thanksgiving. She is a nurse who has decided to go gluten free without any tests for Celiac or other rationale other than wanting to be healthy. Last Thanksgiving, she brought some cornbread from the store and a lumpy bowl of glutinous mashed potatoes. Since I take after Dad in tact department, this happened:

OG: I heard you were gluten free.

GF: I am. For about 4 months now.

OG: But cornbread isn't gluten free

GF: Sure it is.

OG: Is that gluten-free cornbread?

GF: All cornbread is gluten free (with a DUH look). I've been eating it instead of regular bread. It's fine.

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I checked the label and that shit was NOT gluten free. Her denial of reality kinda explains why she's lasted this long with my cousin. My aunt really begged her not to trouble herself to make any more mashed potatoes. Let's see if she takes a hint.

*Canadian niceness and all.