My eyelids are sore and itchy, my eyes are alternately dry and goopy, my contacts are scratchy and my nose is boogery. I’m dying, I tell you. Dying.

Two weeks ago my eyes were fine but my throat was closing up. I was struggling to breathe and I had to cut down cardio at the gym because my throat became so tight I started retching.

I wonder what’s going on. Is it a side effect of global warming on the plants? Do I have some sort of unrelated infection? Should I see a GP or the more expensive but relevant optometrist?