There were apparently two sightings of him in the area. One involved him going into his ex/my other former roommate's store and leaving without talking to her, the other involved him running into (I guess? My friend was unclear on whether this meeting was intentional) the landlady — and apparently claiming he had amnesia and couldn't remember the last four years, including both me and our other former roommate.

Seriously, let that sink in for a minute. This fucker claimed the amnesia defense. Yes, the thing that even TV writers refuse to use any more because it's so hackneyed. In the words of my friend Joe (the one who told me/the one who's kept me updated on this entire affair): "It strikes me as the type of plot device that Hideo Kojima might use in a Metal Gear game."

From what I'm given to understand, Captain Crusty Dickpuppet is now wanted for Federal Tax Fraud — so when he surfaces again, he is so many different kinds of hosed. I'll keep updating this as I learn more, because for real, this shit is bananas.

PS. Can I just say how happy I am to live in a world where I have a reason to use the "Crusty Dildo Update" for three separate Groupthink articles? God bless America.