I'm just so...defeated today. Warning: work rant and health issues rant below.

First off, I'm sorry I haven't been around much, GT. I miss you guys. Work has been keeping me super busy, and I've been trying to prepare for a move halfway around the world. On top of that, my mom is visiting, and along with taking up every single second of my free time, she also stresses me out.

So, first. MitsuBT got accepted to NYU School of Law, so I started looking at positions within my company over in NJ. Found a perfect match that I am more than qualified for, since it's the same job I've been doing for the last three years. The job has been open for a very long time because they are having a hard time finding qualified applicants out there. Applied and interviewed for it back in February. I got feedback from my boss's boss that the interview went super well, and he even gave me a preemptive congrats. So I was stoked. MitsuBT and I found the perfect house to rent, did some Skyping with the landlords, filled out apps and credit checks, and just got approved for it on Saturday. We told them as soon as I had a firm offer from my company (which was supposed to be by Monday no matter what), we would fill out the lease and mail it back to them. The manager finally called me today. while I'm in the doctor's office waiting for my doctor. And...they declined to offer me the job. (I just emailed the landlord people about withdrawing our application and how sorry I am to have wasted their time)

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The reason? Because even though my manager (supervisor's boss) said awesome things about me, and I'm on an upward trend and exceeding expectations YTD, I struggled a little bit last year, and they are worried that I won't do well there. What? I have never rated below a "meets expectations" and my "struggle" last year was because I dipped below my usually awesome stats and into the range for my job objectives (and even though I didn't disclose this, it was due to health issues, not my slacking). It makes no fucking sense. He said that all his current reps have really low tenure and/or are brand new to the company, so he wants a tenured rep that will provide them some good numbers to make up for the slack or a new rep that they can train from scratch. So, that conversation took about 5 minutes, and I was stunned into silence.

Now I gotta figure out what happened, so I'm going to try to get a one on one with my supervisor tomorrow (short story: he and I DO NOT get along; he's a sexist libertarian douche, and I have had past incidents with him that have gone to HR and I still worry about retaliation from him) and find out if he said or did something that caused the change from "you're perfect for the job" to "we'd rather have a new person with no experience than you."

And to top it all off, I still have a lump in my breast that no one can explain, the ultrasound and MRI were "inconclusive" and now I have to find a way to get time off work (and figure out how I'm going to pay for the appt) to get an appointment with the breast surgeon/specialist. Everyone else has time off for spring break and crap, so there's a chance it'll be a month of stress before I can even take time off to see the doctor.

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So I'm stressing that there's a good chance I'm stuck on this rock forfuckingever, and MitsuBT will go away to school and I will continue to be poor as fuck and depressed because I can't get out from under my incompetent asshole of a boss. Oh, and I might have breast cancer.

Ugh. I'm going to bed. Thanks for letting me rant, GT.