Soooo, Homey’s working tonight and I was sitting in the office, watching Harlots (are you guys watching it?!) when I thought I heard someone open and close the back door. I immediately grabbed the closest “weapons” (a pen and nail clippers, with the metal file opened) and ran to the kitchen, where I threw down the makeshift weapons and grabbed a big knife. I was ready to fight, y’all.

I ran to the backdoor, knife up, prepared to stab someone. Once there, I realized something just fell over on the patio—I didn’t have to fight an intruder.

I was standing there, sort of breathing heavily, with the knife raised in my hand, ready to fight and like, I’m a friggin’ bad ass!

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Then, I realized, in my rush to fight whoever I thought had broken in, I’d run past my car keys, past my phone, and past two doors I could have easily escaped through. And I felt like a dumb ass. But, like, kinda of a bad ass dumb ass? :D