Not assault. Assault CHARGES.

Next thing you know, we’ll be seeing the handicapped being forcibly dragged out of the Senate hallways. Oh wait, that happened today too.

The town hall sessions will be aimed at college athletes, spokesman Andrew Wyatt tells Good Day Alabama, because Lord knows they’re at special risk of having their bright futures ruined by something so trivial as a rape conviction. “They should know what they’re facing when they’re hanging out and partying, when they’re doing certain things they shouldn’t be doing,” he says. “It also affects married men!,” he adds with a chuckle.