So I’ve been interested in the AMAZING! BREAKTHROUGH! OMGIAMYOUNGFOREVER! Korean beauty products for awhile, but as the usual ignorant yankee I had no idea where to start. People talk up MEME box, but their boxes are PRICEY, and I already spend so much money on junk aka beauty products that I couldn’t justify spending $25 to $40 bucks to let the blindbox lead the blind.

Imagine my joy when Birchbox offered a box of Korean products for $35... wait, before you bitch, I had $30 in points, so I only had to spend $5 bucks on the whole kit&caboodle.

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I ordered this in front of my boyfriend, my maybe eventually move inmate, last week, and managed to get it today, the day after we had a major fight. Truthfully I don’t know if it was a real fight or just a weird disagreement that I blew up into yet another reason why we “maybe really shouldn’t move in together”, and then the “should we really be together because I’m scared of the future and anyone who is willing to invest in me in theirs?”

Anyways I have the night to myself!

Six Items!!!! SIX!!! Are you excited? Are you crying? Me either, anymore. Let’s get to it.

TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL Egg Cream Mask:

This is one of those one time masks that you unfold to spend 10 – 20 min looking and sounding like Leatherface as it continues to slip down your face and over your nose and mouth causing you to leak loud grunting breaths. Surprisingly though while it sloppy and wet, it doesn’t happen to slip as much as other full face masks, but just enough to distract me from the fact that he hasn’t yet called to apologize.

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It’s also one of those ones that you can just rub in the leftover slobber into your face and body instead of washing it off. It’s takes forever to dry, and gets really sticky in your eyelashes, much like the cum I’m going to have to try to get off my face when I finally have to apologize to him.

I put some lotion over it, and it destickified, but I can’t say that I was so blown away that I would get this again.

TONYMOLY Panda’s Dream Brightening Eye Base:

Not gonna lie, I thought I was going to hate this. I’ve tried all kinds of brightening/lightening eye creams, and this thing looks like a fucking PANDA! This shit is so cute it makes me want to vomit all over my mother’s bottle of Shalimar. This was the one thing I was like, this is definitely going to suck, but if I may, I’ll admit I was wrong. It’s not only a brighter, but a serum, and I just threw it on over the Egg Cream drool, and my own moisturizer and it looked boss. Like the under eye bags I had cultivated over the last 17 hours oscillating between love and hate, had suddenly transformed into a calm lake. I felt peaceful and like all of life is transitory. Do not hold onto animosity. Become like the Buddha.

TONYMOLY Magic Food Banana Hand Milk:

Nope, just noped the fuck out. I love the taste of fake banana flavoring. Give me ALL OF THE ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BANANA LAFFY TAFFYS. But I don’t want it on my skin. I already smell like the Old Spice deodorant my boyfriend left here. Just NO.

My hands are dry though, and I am even more bitter than I was before I tried all that Buddha meditation shit.

IPKN Twinkle Lips:

This touts itself as a lip stain that reacts to your lip’s chemistry and gives you the perfect lip shade. The idea of the perfect lip color basically means taking aging lip skin which dulls over time and giving it back that youthful color. It’s awesome. You can put it on like a balm, and reapply, and reapply, and reapply just like you are still checking and rechecking your phone for his texts even though you know he hasn’t, because you have the sound all the way up to 11.

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To this I say yes! LVOE, which means LOVE so much I can’t even spell love, nor feel it at the moment.

CLIO Waterproof Pen Liner Kill Black:

Meh. It bleeds. Much like my heart. Don’t let it happen to you.

TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL Dinoplatz Escalator Mascara

This is the coolest fucking mascara I have ever fucking seen other than the whole vibrating mascara phase. The packaging is PERFECT, and the actual function of the wand is mad cool. It has a dial to expand or retract (hence the escalator aspect) the length of the wand. The actual product I both love and hate, then love, and then now that I think about it I hate it. On the one hand it clumps your lashes together and perks them up so they look perfectly false, then on the other hand it takes too long to dry, then it gets messy everywhere and when you try to fix it it fucks up the facade. Sometimes there is no fixing something that is broken, however painful that realization may be.

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I would say no. It seems lovely, but you don’t need the hurt on your heart getting into something you know you’ll just go into trying to fix.

Overall this box gets a 2 out of 6, and mainly because the products I like allow the real you to shine. I’m not a big daily makeup person, and the fucking Panda thing and the Lippy just allow you to get in quick and get out without making a big mess of things.

What about you? Do you love/hate your partner? Have any experience with Korean products other than the BB cream? What’s your daily routine?