As far as I can tell, Paleo is based off of the premise that humanoids were never sexier or healthier than when they were cavemen. Even though they had no birth control or penicillin or dental floss, and everyone was probably covered in lice, they were supercut and sexy, and that’s a lifestyle to which we should aspire. Behold:

The Paleo diet demands that you only eat what cavemen did, which means that you need to chew raw woolly-mammoth meat for hours with a mouth full of rotting teeth and wash it down with a nice refreshing gourdful of mud.

I KID! I kid. Apparently with Paleo, you need to eat a lot of protein, in the form of meat, seafood, and eggs. Plus a ton of veggies. A crazy quantity. Like, “the neighbors will start asking if you are in trouble with the local CSA-mob” number of veggies. “You might be having an affair with the guy from the farmers market” quantity of veggies.

This has curious side effects, especially gastrointestinally. Without going into too much detail, some days are . . . biologically slower than others. And some days . . . on some days, things flow way too quickly. Like, I’m basically a human Play-Doh press.

These carrot cake “cookies” tho

I posted this to Twitter and immediately

I don’t think they read the link before they favorited.

Edited to add: Just got a favorite from Hunter Gatherer Co.

Seriously they need to read article before they favorite