(no actual discussion of personal medical issues in this post)

ACT I: in which 40 minutes of my day is wasted

I was told to be there at 8am, for an 8:15 appointment. No one opens their door until 8:30. They had a meeting, you see. I would have enjoyed an extra 30 minutes of sleep, but it was not meant to be. Not to mention as a contractor, I get no paid time off or sick time, so thanks for costing me that. As the first patient of the day, I feel like this delay probably only worsened for later patients.

Advertisement

ACT II: vagaries of insurance coverage meets useless staff

I’m sorry, I don’t know what the job title is of the person who takes my insurance stuff at the counter. I’m going to refer to her as “Woman” henceforth.

Woman: Your insurance doesn’t cover the chlamydia and gonorrhea testing. Do you want it anyway?

Sponsored

Me: How much does it cost?

Woman: I don’t know.

Me: Not even a ballpark range?

Woman: No.

Advertisement

Me: Is there somewhere you could look it up? I don’t want to get a massive bill later.

Woman: No. We just take samples and send them to the labs. We don’t know what they charge.

Advertisement

Me: This is why public health initiatives fail, since you can’t provide basic information to patients for them to make informed choices. Thank you, but I’ll pass.

ACT III: a reprise of Act II, but with a doctor

Doctor: I see we’re going to do the chlamydia and gonorrhea tests today?

Advertisement

Me: No thank you, I specified NO on the form in the lobby.

Doctor: Yes, I see that, but I thought once we talked about it you’d change your mind.

Advertisement

Me: Do you know roughly what it costs?

Doctor: No.

Advertisement

Me: Then I’ll pass. I’ll call Planned Parenthood to set it up. I’m certain they can provide a price range for the costs.

Doctor has squinty pained expression at this comment.

ACT IV: brightersideoflife gets her revenge

Advertisement

Doctor: Let’s talk about family history and risk factors.

Me: Okay.

Advertisement

Doctor: Are any of your grandparents still alive?

Me: Not a one!

Advertisement

Doctor: What did they die from?

Me: Oh I’m not telling you.

Doctor: Excuse me?

Advertisement

Me: You expect me to make medical decisions lacking basic information about them, I figure I’ll return the favor for you.

FIN