I haven't been on GT lately...because I've been busy. My hours have been cut at work, but I'm still just as busy as ever. I'm playing taxi cab to 3 different people, my husband and I moved in with some of his friends because we were so desperately broke, and I cook for everybody and do all the house-cleaning and whatnot.
Anyway, I'm sitting at home alone because my husband went out of town for the weekend with our roommates (waiting out in the cold in Chicago all night for a record...not my jam). I was supposed to go out with a friend tonight (the first time I've been able to go and hang out with a friend in a long fucking time) and she bailed.
So as I'm sitting here, I realize that this huge wave of depression is coming over me, and that I've been restraining it for a long time because I feel like I haven't been allowed to be depressed for a long time. I realize I have been depressed for a while now (not currently medicated, bad I know), but I haven't been able to actually take care of it or myself because I'm always so busy trying to take care of everyone else.
I know I've vented a lot about my relationship with my husband, but he has really pissed me off lately. He told me I was "too wild" and "not and adult" the other day. Long story short, I have been friends with this girl and her family and we were supposed to get lunch, but the police were at her house to arrest her sister (who I have known since infancy) and asked me to come with to help calm things down and give her support. I made the mistake of telling my husband who proceeded to berate me.
I'm also going to see my 88-year-old great-grandmother this week, which caused an argument with my husband because my great-grandmother lives with my great-uncle, who is admittedly crazy. I've been dealing with my batshit crazy family my entire life, I know how things work. She's not doing well, and I will be damned if I don't get as much time with her as I possibly can. He said that if my great-uncle says anything to me that he will drive the three hours to where they live and give him a piece of his mind. I told him I hope he felt like a big man threatening a mentally unstable 60-year-old man without working kidneys.
I know he means well, but it drives me insane. He's just trying to be protective. My roommate and I even got into a conversation about it once, he admittedly that my husband was going about it the wrong way but he is overly protective because he is afraid of losing me, especially since he is so much older than me. Which is very sweet as a thought, but I was in a relationship with a very abusive, very controlling guy for 5 years and anytime I sense behavior that is similar to his I either get angry or want to run. I've told my husband this, and he was around and my friend while I was dating my abusive ex, but he still hasn't gotten the message. Sometimes I feel like the guys I'm with feel like they need to tame me.
I know you guys aren't therapists, and I don't expect you to be. I've had a fair amount of wine at this point. Funny, calming gifs? Words of encouragement (Go get 'em tiger?). Or you can tell me what's going on your life?