Friday night, we have Miss Madison, #CancerCat, with her staples out of her belly. She's already jumped and ran around a bit making herself home on Cooper's bed instead of her rehabilitation kennel, which was also Cooper's. Here's a reminder of what the incision entailed:

I KNOW! But it seems to have healed. It's creepy though. I imagined them to come out from the back of the vet clinic to say that her insides had spilled out.

There's other logistical crap I could mention (bracelets and fundraising page) but let's let our hair down and talk.

I'm stressed and scared.

I'm scared that people will see any kind of fundraising to be "Really? For a cat?" and deem me and her not worth it. I'm scared that she has a median 9 months to a year to live. I hate imagining the pain of her dying. Of seeing my husband in pain. SO much that. I'm scared that we really won't be able to juggle/afford this much treatment YET this is the treatment that is recommended and gives her the best shot.

All this money and in the end we'll still have a dead cat.

I've got really good "I probably could get paid to do this" social media ideas for her (aka her treatment fundraising) but worry that I won't be able to focus enough to get it done or delegate. I worry that my husband won't know enough to help. I'm definitely going to suggest to my psychiatrist that I go on a higher dose of the ADD meds [ Update since then, I did get an up in meds, hurray!] because I still went from room to room today for 30 minutes forgetting the three things I needed (pills, gas-x, computer cord, sauce mix).

Advertisement

Going back through my recent photos, it's historical. I see going to Wisconsin and getting my ADD meds. The Woof and Wine for St. Patrick's Day with Cooper and his green tie.

And then along came cancer.

It's been so quick and so much.

It's Wednesday morning now so a few days since I started this post. I'm sure these are hard to read for some people. It's hard to live.

Advertisement

Tonight, I sell bracelets a Woof and Wine and need to feel pumped up enough to feel like we deserve to get people's money for bracelets. Or I at least need to put out that vibe.

First payment on the mammectomy is due this month plus the 500+ for her first chemo treatment tomorrow. The muffler on the truck is being held on by a coat hanger. God, it sounds like we're holding on by a coat hanger. It doesn't quite feel like that yet. We're moving money around (savings, secured credit cards which means we've already given them money, and my nannying fund).

Cooper the dog got to spend some days with his old girlfriend in the old neighborhood so I won't feel like a bad doggy mom who never allows her dog to have a gung-ho good time. He and Matilda have been great with each other forever and what dog owner wouldn't love not having to take their dog to a dog park for them to be worn out!

Advertisement

I hope everyone is doing well and that for those who have donated, that my thank yous have been expressive and sincere like I've meant them to be.

And because this is my life right now, please donate or share on your social networks the gofundme page for Madison's treatment. No pressure. Donations are not required for GT members and I mean for no un-due pressure to be felt by anyone. However, part of the goal is to have more people aware of feline mammary cancer and know what to do to prevent it (spaying young, early detection) and what's involved in treating it. Hopefully, we'll have a success story to add to the sad ones I found online.

Thank you GT! You all mean so much to me. And thank you for reading this!