You know the thing.

The thing where you comment on the mainpage without thinking it through and get a million corrections all saying the same damned thing. But you can't edit, because once someone replies, the comment is there forever.

Then you start to get the opposing side. And maybe you couched your language poorly, so the fact that you see both sides isn't in blinking neon, but you do. So you get another million corrections calling you "the problem with all of Jezebel."

But you had to go to the dog park, so there are 26,432 blinking, hateful notifications when you get back. And in a minute, you have to brush your hair and go fake-smile at an event with twenty freshmen, and then come back to 67,902,142 more blinking, hateful notifications because you can't be at the computer to deal with them.

I'M SORRY I RUIN JEZEBEL/ALL OF GAWKER MEDIA, YOU GUYZ. DON'T WORRY: MY EVENING PLANS ARE PUNISHMENT ENOUGH.

If you need me, I'll be in the garden, eatin' worms. And planning a way to ruin the rest of the internet. BECAUSE I'M A MURDERER OF JOY.