I'm a decent person, ya'll. Like, I give to charities and there's this one guy that stands on the corner and everyday I make sure to bring him lunch if I'm going to be passing by him. I do nice things. I will literally give you the shirt off my back if you wanted me to. I buy groceries for the people in front of me, I pay for the car behind me. Someone compliments my earrings? Thanks! I made them myself, take them! If they had asked for it, I would have given it to them. I like giving things to people. I was homeless with an infant not all that long ago. Now that I'm not...well, spread the love. It makes them happy and it makes me feel good. Someone has to be really shitty to lose my goodwill. I am an optimist. I believe in the goodness of mankind. I believe we are better than we are worse.

But...

Someone stole my handmade wreath off my goddamn front door. I didn't even get time to make a picture. I put it up, took a coffee break and went back and and GONE. This is a really safe neighborhood. There's like, no crime here. Me and all my neighbors leave grills and bikes and such completely unsecured because nobody takes them. This person walked past 3 unsecured bikes to get to my front door to take my wreath. There were things of real value they could have just taken. But they stole my wreath instead? What kind of sick soulless piece of shit does that?? I'm thinking of making another one and booby trapping it. Is that illegal? This is Florida and I'm pretty sure it's okay. This was between 2-3 am on a Sunday. So, I'm certain it wasn't kids. (At least not little kids.) Do you guys have any non-lethal ideas for booby trapping a wreath? So, you guys talk me down off the ledge before I booby trap this bad boy with mace and razor blades. Because I have no problem hurting people who piss me off. And I am pissed.

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I think it was Capone who said "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I'm kind to everyone. But if you are unkind to me, kindness isn't what you'll remember about me."

Seriously? Talk me down. Give me happy gifs. Also, ideas for maybe a funny, harmless but annoying way to booby trap my wreath. In my rage all I can come up with is salt coated razor blades.