I love my bosses. I love the fact that I’m working. I just can’t handle waking up in the morning with sick anxiety over the treatment I receive from my only two co-workers.

I have been venting about this to people, all of whom are supportive and understand the other stuff going on in my life and how I don’t need the added drama. Maybe that’s not the right word.

In a nutshell, my co-workers seem to hate me. Passive aggressive. Condescending. Unkind. Willing to sabotage me. Not making an effort to get to know me. I sound so selfish in my head, wishing that I can be given a modicum of basic understanding. As many of you know, I often take a lot of crap with a smile, but tend to break eventually-in private. I’m fortunate to have amazing friends who tell me that I am not the problem, that I’m a good person, a hard worker-I don’t deserve to be treated like crap. Still, I have to take my licks. It’s part of life. No easy ride.

But...

  • My co-workers know I haven’t had time/the bosses haven’t had time to properly bring me up to speed on projects.
  • They don’t talk to me, and when they do-it just chips away at me. I cry in my car on the way home.
  • Despite every effort to do things right, to say hi and how are you, to keep a smile on my face-they disparage me.
  • No tone from these women-yes, they are other women-is welcoming. I don’t feel emotionally safe. I love the bosses-they made the effort to ask me how I felt after I got into a car accident, and understand that I need time off to get everything sorted out. They see I work hard. It’s just never right when I do it, according to these women...and they make it known only when the bosses can’t hear them/are out of the office.
  • I can’t put anything else into words, because it just becomes a spiral of self-loathing.

I don’t know what I did that was so bad that warrants this behavior. Mostly because I haven’t done anything-swear to god! I’m not going to go to my bosses. There is no HR department. Why won’t I seek out help from my superiors? Because I’m new and I’m not going to make everything worse.

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This is life though. It’s not like you can win over everyone. I just have to take it and try to believe it will get better with time.

It’s a tough situation, but I have to be a tough gal. They can’t crack me.

Even if my car rides to and from work are spent sobbing. I’ve given up on wearing mascara.