I was so close to making the perfect chocolate peanut butter pie.

:( This sad story begins with me standing in front of the heavy cream in the grocery store, calculating whether or not a pint would be enough for the pie. More than enough! Great! Somehow, this cream did not make it home with me. It wasn’t on my receipt. I don’t know what happened.

I am halfway through the pie and I notice I don’t have the cream. That’s ok! I run out back to the supermarket in the pouring rain. As I’m walking, some asshole kid jumps in the air, grabs my umbrella and breaks it in half while it is in my hand. That fucking asshole. He bumped my face in the process and as I am standing on the sidewalk, fuming, soaking wet, I decide the grocery store is too far away and go to the bodega. Where they only have half and half. Internet tells me it’s ok.

INTERNET IS LYING. Even though I mixed butter in the half and half did not fluff up even a tiny bit. I’m not going back outside in the storm with no umbrella. Sigh. Pie is over, right? I mixed it in with the peanut butter cream cheese but, there’s no way I can bring this to the Thanksgiving potluck, right? Any bakers out there that have suggestions?