Coworker approaches Gerdie's desk, interrupting Gerdie's work. (Actually, Gerdie was doing the crossword puzzle. But, like, diligently.)
Coworker: I don't know what you can do about this, but there's this terribly parked car in the parking lot.
Gerdie: What car?
Coworker: It's a red Toyota.
(Note to the reader: This is Gerdie's car.)
Gerdie: How peculiar.
Coworker: Yeah, it's taking up a couple spaces. I don't know if you can find the owner, or what.
Gerdie: Sure, I'll look into it.
(Gerdie is a lying McLiarface.)
Coworker: Thanks. I thought you might have a list of everybody's cars, or something.
Gerdie: Yeah, we have a list. It's incomplete, though.
(IS it incomplete, Gerdie? IS IT?)
Coworker: Oh, bummer.
Gerdie: Yeah. Superbummer.
Coworker: Well, if you find the owner that would be great.
Gerdie: Absolutely, I'll see if I can track them down. Yup yup yup.
(Lies! ALL LIES!!!)
The car wasn't that terribly parked though, guys. I mean, the spaces in our lot are super tiny, so if one person parks slightly off, everyone else has to park slightly off. Then if the car next to you leaves for lunch, say, suddenly your parking job looks completely deranged. Even if it made sense in the morning.
Which is not to say it did make sense in the morning. It's entirely possible that I came in today determined to test the boundaries of physics by stretching one compact car across five parking spots. It would be an interesting social experiment, at the very least.
I have to go do a good deed ASAP to balance out the bad karma coming my way. Any suggestions?