I’ve been struggling these last few days. Some of you already read about the incident where I stormed out of group therapy in tears. And I’m dealing with a lot of stress at my teaching job. It was suppose to reduce my stress, because I’m suppose to travel less but well no it’s only made stressed out to the point crying all the time.

Basically, I got more hours which puts me in the union. But because of that, I’m not getting paid until the end of October. They won’t give me a straight answer if they’ve withheld all my wages or if I am getting partially paid. I find out on Monday. They’ve also dragged out my contract process which apparently they do so they can delay your pay until late November and save on paying you benefits. I sent the Ministry of Labour a question about it, but I’m contract and working the extra hours off contract, so I’m guessing I’m fucked. Right now, I just want to give my two weeks notice for my old classes and walk off the job for the off contract hours. I’m so sick of being treated like crap. I use to love teaching and now I hate my job so much. I love my students, they give me so much joy, but if this was Inside out, I’m pretty sure that Art History island is getting destroyed by administrative hell.

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It also means that I have to figure out how to work my other job even more, so I can support myself without using up my entire line of credit.

I can’t tell you what we did in group, because I missed most of it. It was suppose to be distress tolerance and I seem to going through moments where I can do it, but then fall back into all of this is so futile. I’ll do a bit of self care, but then I feel more angry or sad. I was suppose to take some time off to work on my videogames, but now I just don’t see how I can do that and pay my rent.

Don’t ever become a college professor. Administration will basically figure out every way to exploit you and make you hate everyone.