HELP I'M AGGRAVATED

My husband is the worst sick person in the history of sick people. Every ailment, he's convinced that he's dying. A headache becomes the most massive migraine ever experienced by humanity. The flu is tuberculosis. A scab is necrotizing fasciitis.

Now, for comparison's sake, I rarely go to the hospital. From the ages of 3 to 18, I had no health insurance so I've kind of learned to just deal with things unless they're D.I.R.E. Most things, I just take OTC meds, drink some water and relax until I feel better. I do get debilitating migraines and you almost have to force me to go in to get a Toradol shot, simply because I hate accruing another bill without absolute necessity.

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Tonight, Mr. PS came home complaining of a soreness in his arm. There's a red, swollen spot and he's complaining that it's quite painful with movement (my recommendation to stop moving it was not considered helpful).

If it was me, I'd take some ibuprofen, ice it, elevate it and go my merry way. However, he's convinced that he's fractured his arm, despite the fact he used it to shift while driving his 5-speed home. So, here we are, at the ER. For probably the fifth time in the last year for something fairly non-major.

I give him the leeway to decide Hospital or Not. The one time I tried to convince him to stay home, I was accused of being cheap and heartless, so I let him pull the trigger (on that situation it was a pulled muscle that he was convinced was a broken leg or dislocated kneecap).

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According to the doctor, it's a flare up of a type of tendonitis. (The doctor also knows us personally, merely from our trips here.) The prescription? Ice it. Ibuprofen. Rest. Elevate it. They also gave him a shot of a steroid in his ass - muahah - which hurts "more than any shot (he's) ever had, ever". He's currently whimpering and rubbing his buttcheek.

How do you deal with a hypochondriac spouse? With lots of patience and good humor? I kind of want to smother him with a pillow because these chairs are hurting my ass more than any chair in the history of ever.