You are not gay. You are not queer. You are a straight girl who is incapable of saying you have "more gay friends than straight friends" without sounding smug. You are a straight girl who brags to strangers on podcasts that your gay friends call you an "honorary gay" like that's a good thing! You are a straight girl who is trying to pressure her friend to come out of the closet when she has no proof that he's even in the closet. You are a self-absorbed, shitty friend and while you might normally be an ally (thus earning the "honorary gay" title) you're being a really crappy one right now.

Your friend has told you he isn't gay. Multiple times, from the sound of it. He dated exclusively women for your entire friendship and recently (rumor has it, since he hasn't told you shit) has started seeing a man. That doesn't mean he's gay. And it doesn't give you the right to try to pressure him to come out of the closet. It means nothing other than one of your mutual friends thinks she saw them on a date! So all of your hint dropping about "you should bring so-and-so when we got see that movie" and "what kind of a friend is he?" bullshit is only going to drive your friend away if you keep it up.

You do not get to have this. If he is going to come out, he will do it on his terms (I hope). He will control his own journey (I hope). By trying to shove this shit on him you are not respecting his privacy, his wishes, or how he identifies himself. You are being a pushy, selfish person by imposing your own expectations on him, which seem to be rooted more in your perception of him than reality. Just because you have "good gaydar" doesn't mean everyone you think is gay is, in fact, gay. Just because you want to act like being a fag hag (hate hate hate that term and that stereotype) is the end all be all of your identity doesn't make you the fairy gaymother for this poor guy and you have no right to push him for anything.


You are not an honorary gay, because there is no such thing. At the moment, you're not even being an ally to this kid, and it sounds like you never have been. You might sign a petition for marriage equality or call out your grandparents for their random bigotry over Thanksgiving turkeys, but unless you are willing to do the hard work of being a good friend to an individual who is LGBTQ(etcetc), you aren't an're accessorizing with queer people, and that kind of soft bigotry is dangerous. I'd rather get called a dyke to my face than have a "friend" who thinks of me as nothing more than a way to make herself feel superior to the icky homophobes that exist in a vague somewhere else.

So I would say fuck you...but honestly, I don't want to (fuck you, that is...just because someone's attracted to women doesn't mean they're attracted to you, a lesson you seem to need to learn). Instead, I'll say educate yourself and take a good long look at how you treat other people. This shit will come back to bite you in the ass later, even if it just means realizing all your friends have bailed because you can't seem to think about them as anything other than what gender they want to do naughty things with.




ETA: Just so you all know, this is NOT someone I'm friends with or anything. I was listening to Dan Savage's podcast and she was a caller and after calling his show to bitch her out I came here to vent. I'm lucky none of my friends are this badly behaved.