Hello, dear coworkers.

You are all valued members of the team, and make working in Large Multinational Faceless Corp. bearable most of the time. Today, however, you are driving me bananas, because despite the eleventy million emails and fifty quadrillion mentions in meetings and one on ones and huddles, you still have not bothered to complete benefits enrollment until today, the last damn day. And even though you should know damn well how health insurance works, since our business has a lot to do with health insurance administration, you seem to be totally perplexed at the choices before you. Which are almost identical to the choices we had last year, just with higher copays and deductibles. Because capitalism.

No, I don’t know how late in the day we can complete enrollment. No, I don’t know if you can keep dental and vision if you drop medical, but probably yes. Gee, maybe all this info is readily available on the big massive open enrollment website that everyone should have 4.94 million different ways to get to as there are links in all the emails, communications, on the home page when you open your internet browser, and probably stitched in your underwear. Please assume that by wearing headphones I am working on a VERY IMPORTANT PROJECT and must not be disturbed, and not that I had to drown out the whining about how much a skull fracture costs to treat. ($6,000, by the way. Which, um, maybe try not planning to have a skull fracture in 2016? I would go with that. Yeah).