So back in April I had some dental work done. Insurance paid for part of it, and I used my healthcare spending account for the rest. In May, the spending account contacted me for a detailed receipt, and when I requested one from the dentist, I found out that they have overcharged me by $100 for the services.

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I asked for a refund, and they said it would take 6 weeks. That’s already insane, but whatever. After two months, I contacted them, and they said they’d been wrong — it usually took three months. After two more months, I contacted them again, and they said, “Oops! Your refund is on hold with our corporate office because we forgot to submit some paperwork. It’ll be another month.”

After another month, I contacted them again, and they said, “We don’t know what you’re talking about — the person you’ve been talking to is no longer here and your account doesn’t show that any request for a refund has been made.” They said they were going to put in a request for a refund again, and I should have it in about a month.

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After 5 weeks, I called again, and was told, “Sorry, Corporate is waiting for some paperwork from us — it’ll be another two weeks.” After 3 weeks (i.e., today) I called again, and was told that it had finally be approved, but they wouldn’t be issuing any refunds until after the new year.

Which means, assuming they ever actually give me my fucking money back, it’ll be after the plan year for my FSA account has closed. Which means once I’m done with this nightmare, I’m going to have a whole new nightmare getting the money applied to my account. It’s not impossible, according to the FSA people, but it’s be going to be a whole huge thing — time and paperwork and phone calls. And of course, SmileCare says they can’t possibly provide a refund by check or to another card, so I am completely fucked because they are evil, lying, incompetent assholes.

Never, ever, ever go to SmileCare, is what I am saying here.