Two and a half hours in, Motherology and I are chilling. Well, she's doing crosswords while I panic and clutch my phone like it's a security blanket.

I've been given 800mg of ibuprofen but no sedatives. They're going to try to do it the old fashioned way again first (God no), then they want to give misoprostol a shot if that doesn't work. They like to avoid cervical blocks. "That's not what the other Planned Parenthood said!" I informed them in a sort of yelp. I received the most professional shrug possible. Kay.

Miso and I go way back to last summer's abortion. I'm not a fan. But hey, I got a free pregnancy test out of this. "You haven't even seen him in weeks." Thanks mom for pissing on my silver lining.

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Please call my name next slash never call my name, young woman in the cute navy scrubs! I'm so getting a margarita after this.