A novel, by Alter_Ego

Six months ago, I bought a house. I was so, so excited. I was prepared to deal with some issues, I knew I'd have to pay for things that I didn't have to pay for in an apartment, but it was going to be mine! All mine!

I was so wrong. I have never made a worse decision.

Last month, our dryer broke. Apparently, it had been hooked up incorrectly (it was there when I moved in), and we were lucky it didn't catch on fire. The repairman showed me the giant warning sticker on the back saying that hooking it up the way that it had been could cause, and I quote "death or fire". That was $400.

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Two weeks later, the kitchen sink started draining so slowly that you couldn't do a full meal's worth of dishes without it completely filling with water. We called a guy to come snake the drain. This cost $150.

The guy who snakes the drain says that he keeps coming up with gravel and sand, so he thinks the pipe isn't draining because it's broken, and we need to call a real plumber. He also managed to puncture...something? under the sink, so I had to call a plumber anyway to fix this. The plumber fixes the problem the snake guy caused, and diagnoses the drainage issue. This costs $250.

The plumber discovers that when the house was tied in to town sewer, just before I moved in, the kitchen was never attached to the line. The house previously had a cesspool, and to sell the house to me legally, the seller had to have this connection done. So my contract shows that my kitchen should have been hooked up with the rest of the house. It wasn't. It was draining into a now defunct, filled in cesspool, and it finally got so backed up in there that it started affecting the house. I'm planning on suing the previous owner to get the money back, but in the mean time, this cost me $945.

In between diagnosing the problem with the kitchen sink and fixing it, the glass from our shower door starts falling out, which means we can't shut the door all the way. This causes water to spill out all over the floor. I haven't gotten this fixed yet, because the shape of the door means that it needs to be custom cut. The estimate is $1500.

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And then. And THEN. Today, I get a call from my roommate. The pipe in the sink of the bathroom off of our kitchen has burst. Water is spraying the bathroom. I've called an emergency plumber, but the earliest they can get here is 9 tomorrow morning. In the mean time, we've had to shut the water off to the house, which means no sinks, showers, or toilets. And I don't know how much the total will come to, but the emergency rate for the plumber is $140 an hour, and there's a minimum of two hours, so it will be at least $280.

I'm just so done. This is all within one month. Why did I do this? I could be warm and happy and bathed in an apartment, for way less than my mortgage is every month. But no, I wanted to pick my own fucking wall colors, and now I'm never going to be able to afford to go on a vacation or buy anything fun again.

Fuck me.