I am either auditioning for, interviewing for, or already have a job running workshops teaching amateurs how to properly glitter things (mostly costume pieces and masks). That's right, I am a glitter expert.

I do a wide variety of things for money. I do not have a full time job, but I teach art part time, do administrative/managerial stuff for that art studio, and mostly sell paintings. I am pretty sure glittering things for money would be my greatest accomplishment. If I could glitter things all day every day, I would achieve complete life satisfaction. And everything I touched would be BEAUTIFUL.

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I got a call to come in. Somehow they are short staffed. They gave me a bunch of glitter and feathers and masks and shit, told me to take it home and make something so they know I am "legit" (actual word used). I got "trained" and showed around as if I already had the job, so I think I have it but they just have to make sure. Oh, and I am getting paid for this "audition" piece I'm working on right now.

Before any of you come on here thinking you can just HIJACK my post and start talking shit on glitter, let me make a few things clear:

  • Glitter makes everything prettier, no exceptions.
  • Glitter makes everyone prettier, no exceptions.
  • Glitter is the dandruff of the gods.

I don't want to hear any "glitter is impossible to clean up" complaints, because frankly, WHY do you need something to have less glitter on it? Glitter stuff on your face? YOU'RE PRETTIER. Glitter all over your clothes? You're FANCY now. Glitter in your beard? JESUS HAD GLITTER IN HIS BEARD.

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And if any of you say, Glitter is the herpes of the craft world, my only response is: well then I would like herpes, if it is even half as awesome as glitter.