I'm always amazed at when there's a wedding topic that comes out on the mainpage, everyone seems to lose their shit and get massively defensive about their choice.

Could we all just step back and admit that big life events (i.e. marriage and babies), just puts a huge microscope on a whole whack of relationships in your life (i.e future husband/wife, parents, siblings, friends, etc). I've been in a lot of weddings and have attended a whole bunch more, and there is always someone who loses their mind or does really crappy stuff for attention. A lot of times it's the bride with the "IT'S MY DAAAAAY" refrain, sometimes it's the jealous or going through a shitty time bridesmaid. I've seen it be the sister of the bride needing to be the center of attention by arriving to the ceremony late with the bride's mother in tow (both were late, I was in the bridal suite with my friend the bride doing the Carleton dance to make her smile)

My general point is that people seem to act like "OMG it's all coming out of nowhere the attitude/actions of xyz person"... but in my experience, it's always a part of that persons personality that's already there which is blown out of proportion fueled by the stress of such an event. Big life events always push our buttons no matter what. For parents, it can remind of how they wished they had done things differently for their weddings or how someone hijacked it, or it's a reminder that they have zero control over what their kid is doing (which leads to passive agressiveness, fights, etc etc). It can be the same for the entourage - the wedding can remind the single people of what they don't have, or married friends of how their marriage isn't quite what they thought it was going to be. With all this in mind, we throw in a whole fuck ton of money. That's why whenever the question of +1s gets brought up, it's like a free-for-all insult fest and people getting defensive for their choice (whichever one it was).

Advertisement

So Jezebel posts some wedding stuff and everyone seems to get defensive loses their minds when they are normally pretty reasonable commenters. Maybe instead of posting in the comments right away, we should all take a step back and wonder WHY these posts push our buttons so much. Maybe then we could take a real bite out of the Wedding Industrial Complex because we can identify what bugs us so much.

I'll even go one step further and admit my own - Weddings push my buttons because I've been single for a long time and have had to do things on my own for most of my life. So it upsets me that people barely acknowledged me when I got my Master's degree or started my PhD, but as soon as friends announced they were getting married, they had all kinds of gifts and attention thrown their way. Frankly, I'd really like for someone to organise a "you're a poor student" shower for me and buy me a stand-mixer, but that's not going to happen (and no, it never happens for my birthday, so that's not an option). I also feel like for most of these weddings, my poor student self (which I fully admit was an active choice on my part) is basically upgrading their already nice middle-class lifestyle with nicer stuff from Williams and Sonoma. It just seems like such a waste in some ways... I know I keep coming back to it, but the stand mixer thing really bugs me frankly. I could really use one because I bake a lot and I know plenty of people who have beautiful expensive ones that they received as gifts who never use them. It just seems to me that our traditions haven't kept pace with the realities of our lives.

I'm not saying don't have a big wedding - promising to love and care for someone for the rest of your life is a huge deal! But so is getting PhD, or a law degree, or buying your first house as a single person. They are all big life milestones that deserve socially condoned attention - not just "likes" on Facebook.