I'm feeling so depressed now, I can hardly deal. The guy I thought I had a nice crush on told me he is getting married and that was when I found out I was in love with him. (Is it possible to be in love when you never even had a romantic/physical relationship with a person?)
I had surgery yesterday and felt physically awful (nauseated, in pain, bleeding, throwing up), lonely and needy and did something stupid: I sent him a message telling him that I felt awful because of the procedure and asked him to talk to me. He never replied. That was last night. Great! I'm sick, bed ridden, lonely and officially rejected. I was feeling so desperate, after I realized he wasn't gonna respond, I wanted to die.
This is hitting me extremely hard because I used to see him several times a weeks and we would check on each other everyday, whether we saw each other or not. If I hadn't confronted him about his wedding, he'd be talking to me now. I can't even cry, because I'll start bleeding if I do.
I feel an overwhelming impulse to hit him up again, but apparently he decided to stop talking to me after I told him I was upset with the news of his engagement (he was very gracious as I was asking him why he didn't tell me about it months ago, and that's one of the reasons why he's perfect for me.)
I can't believe I lost his friendship. I'd be ok having just that. Will he talk to me again? He probably thinks I'm pathetic now.
I don't know if I'll be able to restrain myself and not call him. I wonder if I should do just that and ask him to tell me, with all the words, that he doesn't want to talk to me again; in my mind that sounds less awful than just being ignored.