I'm making my famous evil brownies. A mathematician once did a set theory analysis to find out why my brownies are so good and apparently, the answer is "twice the normal amount of butter." I am now allergic to butter; I replaced with Earth Balance. TMI question incoming, TW poop. Talk about Beyonce ALL YOU WANT ladies. I don't even like most of her music but I gotta give her props for this release, for reasons that most people don't realize.

I am at Cute Boy Person's parents' house, which is the kind of place where there are 16 sauce pans and instead of a hand towel in the bathroom, there are stacks of white washcloths so that everyone can have a clean towel to dry with every time they wash their hands. Also, I would like to know the motivation for toilet paper covers. I honestly have no idea why anyone owns them.

One thing that they didn't have, however, is an 8x8x2 metal cake pan. They have several glass ones, but that causes an inconsistent texture since the glass retains enough heat to continue cooking only the bottom and edges of the brownies. I had to use a pie tin. I'll live.

They're out buying a Christmas tree. They've been gone about 2 hours. This gave me time to make brownies while shaking my booty to the latest Janelle Monae CD that CBP bought me last night. I asked him if he would buy it for me if I look pathetic enough and he said he'd buy it for me because I put it in his hands and I'm really quite good at looking pathetic when I actually feel pathetic, but please stop anyway.

I have just tested the brownies. They are not quite as good as my normal brownies. I may need to lower the amount of flour. That said... OMFG YOU GUISE I HAVE HYPOALLERGENIC (to me) BROWNIES. YES!

So... Beyonce... One thing that people don't realize is that the media distribution system is set up for Tuesday music releases and Thursday movie releases. This is partly to simplify shipping and partly to skew charting; this is just the way that things are done. Doing an iTunes release on a Thursday is a huge fuck you to the music industry, a giant "I do what I fucking want when I want it." I'm not a big fan of her music, mostly because I'm not a fan of pop music. I listen to it in the car because it's good to sing along to while driving, but I rarely buy it. But I used to work in radio and learned all about music distribution and play/release rules. Distributors will cut you off if you sell albums early or start playing singles early. In order to keep this secret, she would have had to not print the albums yet. She has cut the distributors out of the sales channel.

!!!

Hell yeah, woman! You fucking go. So everyone who wants to shut up about Beyonce so we don't get fed up, don't. I don't even like her and this fucking rocks. If people don't care they can move the fuck on to the next article. I don't really much care either, which is WHY I MOVE THE FUCK ON TO THE NEXT ARTICLE FFS. Anyway.

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To the TMI. You've probably heard of shy bladder syndrome, where someone can't pee if someone is in the room. Well, I can't poop in someone else's house. If I stay at CBP's apartment for a couple of days, I just don't poop the first day. The second day I end up taking a buttload of caffeine just to poop. And I stay there a lot! It's not like it's ready to come out and I just mentally can't do it either. I just doesn't get ready to come out. It's like my entire digestive tract slows down. If I don't overcaffeinate, it can go on for DAYS.

Does anyone else have this problem?

ETA: What the fuck is this bullshit, humans? What's more important than her music? Is she single and what does she look like when she's dressed like a girl? Fuck you.

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ETA2: CBP just walked through the house carrying a large tree and then asked "where's the chainsaw?" I may flee in terror.