My boobs are fine today, but I'm going to need my man's help with my hair.

Why? Because I committed to what turned out to be a fatal flaw in home-highlighting planning. I got all the shit outta the box, I put the cap on my head, I started pulling strands (god, that sucks so fucking hard) and an HOUR and a HALF into that endeavor realized I cannot fucking do the back. At all. Not with two mirrors, not with my iphone, no way, no fucking how.

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The texts between my husband and I... involved him telling me that he's going to be late today (lies or truth? I don't knowwwww!) and me telling him to lick balls. In retrospect, while jokingly and lovingly said (uh?), I suspect this furthered my "lack of planning" on the day.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HARD???

*Also, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I'm capable of getting my highlights professionally done, I'm just too damned.. something not to. So. Here I am.