I usually try to keep it light on GT. But today I just feel like s h i t about myself and I need to vent about it.
My human took some pictures of me recently, and I first I really liked them. They look beautiful, and I love the tones he chose for his editing. He's getting really good!
And then I looked at the pictures too long and hard and they make me feel awful about myself. I have gained so much weight in the last year. I still do yoga, and I eat pretty healthy, every once in a while I'll get on a running kick, but it usually lasts for 2 weeks and then I stop for another month. I don't know if I can't get the weight off because this is just how my body is now. If I'm doomed to have a huge booty and thick legs forever. I DON'T KNOW. I just want to be the tiny ballerina I was in high school, and I don't think I ever will be again.
My human tells me he loves my curves and I have an old fashioned body (he knows I love old fashion pin-ups so this usually makes me feel good). And then I see myself naked in the mirror and I hate myself. I have an aunt who always talks about how fat I've gotten when I'm back in Michigan. She knows I was bulimic, and she always attacks me about it. I don't want to have an eating disorder again. I don't need to control things like that anymore. Eating healthy and being active SHOULD MAKE ME SKINNY. But it doesn't! Ugh. This is so frustrating. Now I'm crying at my desk.
I do want to share my favorite photo from the set, though. There's a branch covering my legs a little so I think I look okay.
Sorry for this you guys. I haven't done a pity party post yet and I feel bad. I just want to get it off my chest.