Hey guys. I just need to vent and also maybe some help getting my thoughts in order. It’s been a rough few months for me, as I’m sure many of you can relate. With the stress of everything going on in my personal life and the state of the world, I had a relapse in my eating disorder. Anyway, I put back together a treatment team and began seeing a nutritionist, hoping to nip it in the bud before it got too bad. But now they say I need to do a partial hospitalization program for a few weeks because my behaviors are getting worse and some of my lab work came back with some deficiencies.

I just....

I don’t want to go and I feel like such a fucking failure. I’ve been hospitalized and done these programs before. I really thought I would never be back to this point and now it just feels like all of the hard work I’ve put in over the past 5-6 years has been for fucking nothing. I just feel like giving up. I’m tired of trying. And I’m so sick of hearing that things can change and recovery is possible. I really don’t feel like it is. I hate my brain and I’m so sick of fighting with myself over and over, everyday. I can’t handle this for the rest of my life.