I went to a new primary doctor today and, seriously, she was amazing! I babbled at her and she patiently listened, responded compassionately, and didn’t at all make me feel rushed. I feel like I got really lucky because I don’t have the best insurance, but it’s almost like she was meant to be my doctor.

When I chose my insurance I had to choose a PCP and basically chose one at random, let’s call her Rachel MD. Since I got the insurance I haven’t actually gone to a PCP, just for GYN visits, but recently I have been plagued by never ending heartburn* and I also wanted to get a referral because my anxiety has been whoa. So I pull out my insurance card and call the number listed under the PCP that I chose. Oh, you don’t take my insurance, you say? Makes sense, why else would it be on my insurance card? Next I pulled up the website and started calling female doctors (misandry!) with good reviews. Oh, you don’t accept my insurance? Righty-o. You’re not accepting new patients? Cool, I guess I’ll eliminate that from my search parameters since it’s meaningless.

Then I started calling male doctors with good reviews, because I’ll take a man with good reviews over a woman with mediocre to bad ones (especially if you’re accused of insurance fraud and over billing for services not rendered! Not a good look!). Lemme dial up James MD. Score! Oh, you don’t have any appointments until the second week of December? I guess I’ll take that and keep trying. Wait, computer says you have an appointment in two days? Yes, please! See ya then, James MD.

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Yesterday I got the automated reminder call for my appointment, which I didn’t really listen to because it’s pretty hard to forget an appointment in a day’s time. Then I heard “...with Rachel MD at 10:30...” I thought I’d made a mistake, Rachel MD’s practice didn’t take my insurance. I called four other doctors after I called the number on my insurance card. Is this call actually from my insurance company? How the hell would they even know about it, I didn’t give the office my policy number. Was I just hearing things?

The number the call came from matched the number I called to make the appointment and the number on their website so I figured, what the fuck ever, I don’t care who it is as long as they make this damn heartburn go away. Maybe the heartburn has spread to my brain and I hallucinated the whole thing.

I got there today and my appointment was with Rachel MD. James MD works there too, but the earlier opening was with Rachel MD. And then she was wonderful, one of the best doctors I’ve seen when I was at the point of taking what I could get and was almost down to the places with “rude staff long wait rushed doctor also fraud” reviews. The staff was really nice, the wait wasn’t bad, and the woman who drew my blood used the baby needle and only pricked me once. The picture they took for my chart even came out good.

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What are the fucking chances? It was like fate led me to the perfect doctor. They also do GYN exams and she’s treating the anxiety without referring me out. I found a one stop shop! What are the chances?

Anyway, I also wanted to know if anyone has taken Paxil. That’s what she prescribed for the anxiety, but I’ve never taken an anti-depressant before and I’m nervous. I had one prescribed once before but I didn’t take it for the same reason. The whole suicidal thoughts thing freaks me out, man, even though she said it was very rare, etc. I’m gonna take them, but I was curious about any personal experience anyone might have. Thanks!

*The heartburn thing is tragic, really, because food is delicious and I love vinegar and citrus and cheese and coffee and I’ve been reduced to buying a cookbook of bland food and trying to like fennel. Fennel tastes like licorice, people! Tragic!