Since everyone and their mother is going to be shitting on this movie in "think pieces"* in the coming week, I figured I'd go against the coming storm and post some positive things about it. Spoiler-ish stuff below.

I have not read the official books but I have read the original fan fiction Master of the Universe by Snowqueens Icedragon. Yes, to answer your question, that was her for real pen name on the fan fiction boards. When I first heard that the official Fifty Shades of Grey was actually dressed up Twilight fan fiction with the names switched from Edward and Bella to Christian and Anastasia, I knew I had to find it. It was a HOOT.

Anyway, I just saw the movie with my friend so all is fresh in my mind!

1. Nudity was not creepy. Both of them are naked a lot. I could probably pick Dakota Johnson's boobs out of a line up at this point but it never seemed gratuitous. A lot of her nudity just seemed incidental. I suspect this is because the director was a woman.

2. BUSH on both of them. You rarely see pubes in movies these days. Both of them had them on display.

3. We see the same parts of the dude as we do the lady. Chest, buns and pubes. Also not common in movies these days. I suspect the insert shot of the upper penis was a Stunt Penis but whoever that was: nice.

4a. Sex scenes were actually pretty hot. The few moments when they looked like they were actually into each other were during those scenes. My friend who isn't familiar with any of the material said, "They should have just released this as erotica and cut out all the talking parts."

4b. Christian rips open condoms left and right. Safe sex can be hot too!

5. Dakota Johnson is very amusing playing drunk. She's actually the best part of the movie. She gets an A for succeeding in making it look like she actually wanted to be there.

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6. Jamie Dornan tried really really hard to have an American accent. But he sounded Dutch. They should have just let him be his sexy Irish self. Even though they shaved his beard, he still looked quite beautiful. His eyes are fantastic. A for effort on the accent.

Jamie Dornan on set hawtness:


7. It made me laugh. Hard. And other people were laughing too. Some of the lines...she actually says "Holy cow" at one point. The audience I had was very giggly and we even had someone loudly say, "Stalker" at one point when Christian showed up somewhere and everyone laughed. It was a good crowd.

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8. It's beautifully made. Clearly they had shit tons of money for this film because the clothes were flawless and the sets were gorgeous.

9. Marcia Gay Harden is in it! She is amazing.

10. The music is fantastic.

If anyone else has anything nice to say, this is the place! Please do refrain from negativity. You'll have plenty of chances to get that off your chests in other posts, I'm sure.

Thank you!

*I cannot stand the term "think piece". I don't know who started that but it is the most pretentious set of words for "essay" that I've ever heard.