Sweet baby Jeebus, this is awful. I had grafts done on 12 teeth because of receding gums. It’s the whole left side and my front bottom teeth. I had it done on Thursday and today I’m still swollen and in so much pain. I’ve had so much swelling that I got a black eye. I look like I’ve been beaten up and I feel like it. To make things worse, I can’t brush my teeth for six weeks. Yes, you read that correctly. I can brush half my mouth but the other half just gets a medicated rinse that tastes like metal. I’m 95% sure my breath smells like I’ve been eating shit. The stitches make it feel like I have a French tickler condom inside my mouth.

Getting my wisdom teeth out was an equally dramatic fiasco, so apparently my body does not like having its mouth messed with. Anyone else would probably be eating a cheeseburger by now. I’m thinking about who I can kill with my breath.