Annnnnnd we’re back, thank heavens, with a world where the bad guys have no problem admitting when they’re totally corrupt and want to see you dead.

This week on Advanced Muggle Studies, we discuss: Professor Creed’s ass; Wizarding World’s Most Beautiful People; Moaning Myrtle’s parents; the curse of a usual toilet; never trust a book; Ron Weasley is always right; invisible ink and powerful writing; Lockhart attempts cross-curricular instruction; what singing telegrams your Professors would choose for each other; demeaning roles for little people; classist pronunciation spelling; Harry and Ginny’s future anniversary rituals; Ginny wins the Worst First Year At Hogwarts trophy; all hail the masterful scene construction of JK Rowling; how to greet a talking book; Hogwarts conspiracy theories and insurance policies; goddammit sexy Voldemort; why the wizarding world fails at social safety nets; how we know Voldemort doesn’t give a damn about ideology; GIGANTIC FUCKING SPIDERS; scapegoats and the dangers of normalization; Hagrid and respect; why the best lies appeal to prejudice; Dumbledore TOTALLY knows about that pink umbrella; mansplaining college sophomore Percy Weasley; we need an Evil Neville Longbottom AU and we need it fucking NOW; seriously, does NO ONE write their parents?; can we all just accept that the South will not rise again?; OTTALINE GAMBOL IS INFINITE IN SCOPE AND EXISTENCE; and why this book has the pettiest — and therefore the best — plotline ever.