At long last, we have fought our way out of the Moste Raciste Chamber of Secrets! This week, we finish the book by discussing the symbolic value of Harry’s blood sacrifice as presented to Dumbledore; prefects’ special visitation privileges; a distressing look at Hogwarts security loopholes; what the adults in this book have in common with Charlie Swan; Dumbledore’s forgiveness of Ginny’s sins by virtue of Harry’s noble sacrifice (oh come on, you know we were going there); more proof that Cursed Child is an abomination; useful tips for characters in horror movies; resurrecting the Petrified and a multitude of Lazari; McGonagall’s unreasonable expectations of discipline at this school; Lockhart’s epic schadenfreude; the troubling moral ambivalence of loyalty; Jesus, Neil Gaiman and Milton; badly phrased Horcrux explanations; what a true member of each house might pull out of the Sorting Hat; aspiring to Dumbledore and Julia Sugarbaker; sashaying and male wizarding privilege; the ignominy and pride of socks; the power of clothes and why we police them; Dobby is the bomb; why pajama parties trump polite feasts every time; the hats were never going to happen; and one more fuck you, Cursed Child for the road!