Advanced Muggle Studies is back, bitches! This week, we discuss: awkward crushes; our favorite Lockhart books; the Hogwarts prefect at home; we’re pretty sure someone is Neville Chamberlain; how many bacon sandwiches does it take, really?; linguistic puns; Dan’s accent is broken; fabulous Lucius Malfoy; Drarry fanfic; what exactly is in Lucius’s basement; wizard race porn; adventures in sex shops; the Hand of Glory; sexism in livestock; why Borgin and Burkes hasn’t been shut down; Knockturn Alley and Diagon Alley; ley lines and Ancient Aliens; flat earthers and how geometry works; please sue Alex Jones; Angela Merkel and the Anti-Smite Shield; Cabbage Patch Mandrakes; how we know that Gilderoy Lockhart escaped St. Mungo’s to reinvent himself as Dan Brown; Malfoy v. Weasley; treacle is disgusting; this entire book is Arthur and Molly’s fault; Hedwig abuse; the Restriction of Thingy; the Whomping Willow and the Evening Prophet; and WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO GET EXPELLED FROM THIS EFFING SCHOOL?!