Welcome back to Advanced Muggle Studies! And if the title this week doesn’t get you to come check us out, I doubt anything will.

This week, we discuss: the social leverage of Howlers; Gilderoy Lockhart’s narcissism; Google already knows what you’re thinking; The Matrix dude fantasies; mandrakes and sexual commerce in the Bible; hallucinogenic coincidences; anatomically correct root vegetables; the doctrine of signatures; keep the dog, lose the mandrake; posh Justin Finch-Fletchley; Republican wizards and the 20-day mandrake waiting period; what is Spellotape, really; perfect Colin Creevey; Lockhart’s magical Google alerts; Mormon fever dreams; Cornish pixies v. Pornish pixies; morning Wood; Hooch v. Snape; Mudbloods and the politics of racial slurs; anti-Semitism and the ugly history of Jewish blood libel; Black Mirror and genocide; why Judas Iscariot proves that sin enters (and exits) through the butt; the periodic penitence of menstrual periods; the bloody flux; wizarding eugenics; Confederate truck nuts and racist gun shows; 50 Shades of the Chamber of Secrets; the difference between wizard photos and portraits; and whether listeners will forgive us for this truly bizarre and NSFW episode.