This week on Advanced Muggle Studies we discuss: Quidditch-induced ball bruising; Snape/Filch slashfic; Lee Jordan for President; never tell Hagrid a secret; Voldemort’s eternal grudge against the Weasleys; holiday wish fulfillment; shagging in the Restricted Section; Hermione saves the world one piece of chocolate at a time; the logic of giving children priceless and powerful objects; why Dumbledore would never vote to confirm Betsy DeVos; Fred and George warm and fuzzies; the power of Dark Magic books; the Mirror of Erised makes us cry every damn time; why this book is basically the Perseus myth; Quirrell as Medusa; daaaayyyyummmm young Maggie Smith; Ray Harryhausen rules; the paradox of visible and invisible; fuck Greek patriarchal mythology; the Narcissus myth and queer literature; our “President” is an Obscurus; what Harry and the Virgin Mary have in common; how Dumbledore ranks trust; and is Dumbledore secretly Santa Claus?