Well, winter is here and it brought my Busted Winter Face along with it. And miracle of miracles: It’s not just my regular Busted Winter Face- apparently this is perrrrrioooooral deeeermatitis-is-is-is! YUSSSS, KING! YUSSSSSSS!

Now every year I get dry, flakey patches beside my mouth for a few weeks, but this year it looked different and there’s a flock of red bumps in the dry patches, which are way flakier and angrier than usual. I had it checked out and it’s exactly what I thought it was, perioral dermatitis.

For now, I’m ceasing all product use and switching to a tepid water only regimen to see if it’s being exasperated by something I’m using. If it’s still as bad, or gets worse, I’ll fill the prescriptions for the antibiotics my doctor prescribed. I’m really hoping it calms down without the meds, because antibiotics always cause a host of other problems for me, elsewhere.

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In any case I am really looking forward to not using anything on it, not even makeup, over the holidays... NOT.

I’m also looking forward to buying all new sls free toothpastes, body washes and detergents... NOT.

I can’t wait to eat no spicy things whatsoever and also no sweet things or salty things... NOT.

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And I’m soooooo excited to be in all of the photos with two big flakey red patches that look like the herp on ‘roids on either side of my mouth! NOT.

I am also wicked anxious to hear a hundred people between now and New Year’s tell me it’s totally the gluten causing it and that my dick is gonna fly off next if I don’t stop eating gluten. Or that it’s totally a yeast infection on my face and to dunk for probiotics in a vat of Canestin. Or my chakra is totally floating in the wrong meridian house. Or that it’s totally actually herpes. Or that I totally need to try a, b, c, d, e, f, g, a, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, a, q, r, s, a, t, u, a, v, w, x, a, a, a, y, a, z, a, a, a, a, aaaaaa, on it. (a = Vaseline, btw.) Also, hearing multiple suggestions for steroid cream, which is all of the nope.

I am planning on stalking winter back to it’s house and shabbing it to death (that’s when you shoot a knife out of a gun.) If anyone is interested in joining my winter shabbing posse there is a sign up sheet on the bulletin board. Winter is gonna regert busting my face.

Please to share your winter gripes here with me.

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In the meantime, I have a staff party tonight. Maybe I’ll take a page out of Shia’s Book and rock the paper bag look?