Plan a carnivorous Christmas dinner!

Because I’m nice and stupid, I offered to host Christmas dinner at my house. Yay, my brain and mouth!

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If I were cooking for normal people, this wouldn’t be an issue. However, I am cooking for my family and, when it comes to food, we have plenty of issues:

—I’m a vegetarian

—Homey’s allergic to poultry and doesn’t care for pork or most beef

—I have one brother who won’t eat any veggies... at all... ever

—The other will eat some veggies, sometimes, but never onions or peas

—My dad doesn’t like chicken

—Most of my family will only eat seafood when closer to the coast (a good choice, I think)

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Despite all our pickiness, my mom manages to cook huge, friggin’ delicious, traditional, from scratch holiday meals. She’s the best!

I’m... the second best? Maybe? Hopefully?

But I need some help: what the hell should I cook for this crowd? And, like, how do I cook meat? I will not do a whole turkey but I was thinking of doing a ham or a turkey breast maybe... But I don’t actually know how to cook those.

Or do I go opposite and do a couple of lasagnas or a bunch of soups and nice bread or something? I’m trying to think of good alternatives to a traditional, huge, Christmas dinner.

I do have one idea... :D