Just had two big talks this weekend and they both went well! So I’m feeling all empowered and shit and wanted to share.
Firstly, I talked with my roommate about the fact that I no longer wanted to be vegetarian and wanted to start cooking meat at home again. When I moved in almost four years ago, she had stipulated that she wanted a vegetarian roommate. I agreed to this because, at the time, I wasn’t eating a lot of meat and I never cooked it at home, so it didn’t seem like a big compromise. Well, over the years, I started wanting to be able to cook meat at home but I was too afraid to bring the issue up because Roommate was very vocal about being anti-meat and, frankly, pretty judgmental about it. It seems like a trivial thing, but I felt like my silence was typical of the way I’ve been afraid to assert myself and ask for reasonable things or articulate my needs/desires to other people in the past few years and I was starting to feel really frustrated with myself and resentful. So finally, I talked to her and honestly said I wanted to eat meat at home again and asked if that would be ok. She wasn’t exactly pleased, but she realized it wasn’t reasonable to force me to defer to her lifestyle choice. So I am an honest omnivore again!
Second talk was with SleepyGene. Things have been going really well with him and I knew my feelings were deepening. I’ve realized in the last year or so that I want to find a partnership - a committed relationship that has a future. I had been wanting to talk to him about his thoughts on this and share my feelings about him and our relationship, but I was really scared to. I finally opened up this weekend and told him I want a future with him - whatever that entails - and he responded by saying he wants that, too. And told me that he loves me. I said I love him, too. He’s only the second person in my life I’ve ever said those words to, and I truly meant them. He admitted he felt vulnerable sharing his feelings and we talked a bit about how it’s a risk to open up to another person that way. He said he wants to practice being more open and honest, despite how scary it can feel. It felt amazing to hear those words and be able to say them back. I thought for so long I would never feel that kind of connection, and now I’m excited about the future again.
Ok, enough gushing. It just feels so damn good to have had the courage to use my words, ask for what I want, and be honest about my feelings.